


Collapsed Tent Bobby

by Pronkbaggins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Tents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:00:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28209459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pronkbaggins/pseuds/Pronkbaggins
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

They never even got a second’s break. Dean’s phone began to ring and he saw Bobby’s number on the caller ID. 

“Hello?” Dean said. 

He was greeted with a chorus of male screams and a bunch of crashes for a whole minute despite his repeated “who is this? Are you okay??”s. 

Dean rushed to Sam’s room as soon as the phone hung up. He was calling Bobby again and again, rapping on Sam’s door. 

“Dean I told you not to bug me---”

“Bobby’s in trouble” Dean said, and Sam instantly dropped what he was doing. 

They gathered their things, neglected to check out, and rushed out the door to the impala. Bobby was not answering. 

“What did he say? What happened?? Is he at home?” Sam asked, sitting rigidly.

“No clue” Dean said, hitting the gas and heading towards Bobby’s house anyways. 

“Let me trace the call” Sam said, grabbing Dean’s phone, opening his laptop, and using his WiFi power to start tracing it. 

“Damn it, Bobby!” Dean yelled, hitting the steering wheel with his palm angrily “why do you do this to us? We need to know if he’s okay.”

Sam was concentrating harder than a chef trying to turn into a part of his kitchen so he can never be dead. 

They made their way to Sioux Falls. Bobby’s car yard seemed to be okay. Dean and Sam rushed out of the car, searching the house with their guns drawn. Bobby was nowhere to be seen, but everything seemed relatively normal. 

Dean walked around back, where he saw a whole row of tents. One of them had collapsed. He saw something wriggling inside. 

Dean whistled in a curt way, knowing Sam would recognize the signal and come to his aid. He approached the wriggling collapsed tent, gun drawn, every nerve on edge. Sam was close behind, sneaking up to give Dean backup. 

“What is this?” Sam whispered. 

Dean hushed him and kicked the wriggling tent hesitantly. The wriggling stopped. 

“Ya idjits! Can’t you let a man sleep???” Bobby’s voice rang out. 

“Bobby….that you in there?” Sam asked, giving Dean a look of caution. 

“Yeah! Why wouldn’t it be?” Bobby growled, unzipping the tent and coming out. 

“I have a million questions right now” Dean said, not lowering his gun “but let’s start with...where is Bobby??? You can’t be him.”

“Ughhhh” Bobby groaned “go ahead. Sprinkle me with holy water. Cut me with silver. I ain’t a monster. Not yet.”

“You called us and all we heard were screams! And what is this?? And why haven’t you been answering your phone?” Dean complained loudly as Sam said ‘cristo’ quietly. Nothing happened. 

“Oh. Sorry about that” Bobby said, rubbing the back of his neck “ya see, I feel unsafe in my house. There’s some sort of bug infestation in there. I thought I’d start camping out back. But every damn time a tent collapses on me, I get itchy and need to wriggle until I feel better.”

“That made no sense” Sam said, lowering his gun. 

“Don’t look at me” Bobby shrugged. 

“Then….who are we supposed to ask…?” Sam asked with his eyebrows raised. 

“Hell if I know. Well, since you boys are here, you want to stay a while?” Bobby said “collapsed tent Bobby could use some cleanup help.”

“And some bug infestation cleanup as well” Dean cringed, touching Bobby’s skin with silver just incase. Bobby rolled his eyes. 

“We’ve got to get back to the bunker soon after, though” Sam said, looking at his phone “Kevin just texted. He said it’s not urgent, but he does need us to see something.”

“How is that little prophet holding up?” Bobby wondered as they began to clean up. 

“Eh, he’s holding up” Dean said helpfully. He stepped into a hole that was shaped like Bobby’s face but he didn’t question it.


	2. Kevin of All Kevins

It took 14 hours to clean up Bobby’s bug infestation and his collapsed tents. They finally crashed on the couch before Sam and Dean decided to go see what was up with Kevin. 

In the car, Dean was lip syncing all the songs that came on the radio. Sam merely rolled his eyes and used his WIFI. 

“Woah!” Sam gasped, which made Dean swerve. 

“WHAT??”

“I just...Kevin’s in the news!” Sam said, scrolling through the article on his phone. 

“Read it to me, man” Dean said, taking a deep breath and continuing the drive. He had as much sleep last night as a mother of forty two taking care of a souffle infant she didn’t want. 

“So get this” Sam explained, furrowing his brow as he read. The article featured Kevin’s profile with more versions of himself pouring out of his open mouth. “Okay, here it is - eighteen year old Kevin Tran disappeared years ago, and his mother disappeared soon after. Police found a new clue today in the Tran case, but it has confused authorities. There have been millions of apparitions of Kevin. People view the young high school student everywhere. He is appearing in people’s homes….uh…..in people’s tubs….everywhere. Then he just disappears.”

“Uggghhh” Dean sighed, looking so done “it’s not the weirdest thing we’ve heard of.”

“But Dean, this doesn’t make any sense!” Sam sputtered.

“Yeah, but what does anymore, man?” Dean sighed again, tapping his steering wheel “let’s phone Kevin. This smells kind of witch-y”

Sam tried to phone Kevin, but all he heard was static. 

“Maybe a haunting” Sam said “it’s just static.”

Dean increased the car’s speed. 

What they saw next would be indescribable. No really, completely indescribable. Dean tried anyways. 

“What the f***” Dean commented as Sam merely raised his eyebrows. 

Among several parade balloons of Kevin stood Kevin, surrounded by a glowing light. He was slowly ascending. Thousands of Kevins began pouring out of the parade balloons, all chanting “Tran, Tran, Tran.”

Dean had half a mind to turn the impala back around, but that was his friend being abducted. 

Sam was already on it. He jumped out of the car and rushed towards Kevin who was floating away. 

“Stay back!” the glowing Kevin commanded “Sam! I’m okay! I promise! I said it wasn’t urgent.”

“Like hell you’re okay!” Sam panicked as Dean opened the trunk of the impala to grab weapons. 

“I’m more than a prophet now, Sam” Kevin said with a smile as he descended down in front of Sam. Sam was being swarmed with Kevin replicas, who were attempting to restrain him. 

“What the heck! What is this, shapeshifters???” Sam yelled, fighting them off. 

“No. I’m their leader” Kevin sighed “I am now the Kevin of all Kevins.”

“He’s right” a man said behind Sam. Sam turned to see Dean being restrained by a bunch of random people. 

“Let him go!” Dean shouted, even though he was being restrained. 

“And that includes ALL Kevins” Kevin sighed “anyone named Kevin and all my Kevin clones are now my responsibility. I have truly reached maximum mind blowing possibilities.”

“What is even going on?” Sam said “how did this happen? Can you call them off?”

“These are my friends, fellow Kevins” Kevin said, waving a magic wand that suddenly appeared. The Kevins backed off. 

“Okay, you need to explain everything to us” Dean growled “you called us. You tell us what’s going on.”

“Alright” Kevin sighed “it won’t make much sense, but I’ll explain it.”

“Are the parade balloons really necessary?” Sam wondered quietly. 

“So it all started when I was translating the angel tablet. There was a section in there that said a true prophet could trigger a chain reaction where his power would be absolute. So, naturally--”

“You read it???” Dean growled again. 

“---No, naturally I double checked with this meant. Then all of a sudden before I knew what was going on the tablet was glowing. It said to me ‘Kevin, if you are truly a prophet of the Lord, speak so freely.’ I said ‘ummm what? I am I guess’ and before I knew it, balloons began to flood the bunker. The Earth rumbled and the tablet shattered. It said I had been chosen to rule all who were branded with my God-given name. And then when I went outside, I noticed the world was flooded with clones of me. Naturally I tried to fix this. I looked through nearly everything in the bunker, but the more spells I tried the loopier it got. Then all of a sudden every Kevin on Earth was knocking on the bunker door.”

“Great. Just great. That explains nothing” Dean scoffed. 

“This is a recipe for disaster!” Sam groaned “there could be demons or angels everywhere trying to get their hands on you. The world is freaking out. Can’t you just command them to go away?”

“I tried that” Kevin sighed “it’s a no-go. I literally am at a loss.”

The Kevins all began to jump around and then bow to Kevin, who was still glowing. 

Dean was furiously going through his dad’s journal. “Dad didn’t know about any of this angel crap” Dean sighed “he is chock full of hoodoo and demon trivia, but nothing on angels.”

“Maybe this isn’t an angel’s work?” Kevin said hopefully. 

“Let’s look in Bobby’s stuff” Sam suggested, pulling out his laptop “that or Frank Devereaux’s hard to crack hard drives. Maybe Charlie could take a look.”

“Just do what you can do” Dean sighed “I’ll go look through the bunker too.”

“No, Dean. It’s flooded with me” Kevin said sheepishly. 

“That’s just great!” Dean groaned, throwing his hands up in the air. 

“Here it is!” Sam said with a surprised little breathy sound “it was right here. Good ol’ Uncle Bobby. It says if a Prophet is triggered into super Prophet mode, you should uh…..marry a tree.”

“Marry a tree under the eclipse’s first light, and to promptly fall in love with the shrub of the Lord” Castiel’s voice said from behind Dean. 

Dean jumped and scowled at Castiel. 

“I heard you needed help.”

“I called you!” Kevin complained “how come you didn’t come then?”

“Heaven needed me. I had to create a--well, nevermind. One of you must marry a tree. I will initiate it if you wish. Luckily, tonight is the night of the lunar eclipse, and it is about to start” Castiel said flatly, grabbing Dean and dragging him towards a tree. 

“Woah woah woah man! I am not getting married at all, least of all to a freaking tree!” Dean said, struggling against him. 

“And how do you fall in love with a shrub?” Sam wondered. 

“A shrub of the Lord is an Enochian slang for a righteous man” Cas said “hmmm I think I may need to marry the tree….but I am not human, so marriage does not apply to me.”

Everyone wished the author had thought this out. 

“I’ll do it” Dean groaned “I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I’ll do it.”

After Dean married the nearest tree under the eclipse’s first light, he searched around for someone he could fall in love with. 

“You must fall in love with yourself, it seems” Castiel shrugged. 

They were screwed. 

Luckily, they found an alternative. It was Fix It Felix. Kevin was finally back to normal.


	3. Uni Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neopets.

Dean was humiliated because he had to marry that tree. 

“It doesn’t count” he said out loud to himself “I mean, it’s a tree. Marriage applies to humans, right? So it won’t be cheating. Who cares, it’s a freaking tree!”

“It is a lucky tree” Castiel commented. 

“Go away, Cas” Dean said, startled. He thought he was alone. 

Castiel disappeared and Sam finally found Dean. 

“Dude, you just disappeared after Kevin was put back to normal! We were worried about you. What are you doing, soul searching?” Sam said, his hands in his pockets. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be right in” Dean said, waving Sam away. 

“We could use help cleaning up these parade balloons” Sam started. 

“Uhhh be right over” Dean said, waving him away again. 

When Sam was gone Dean sat down on the pavement and thought a lot about all the things he carried on his shoulders. Sometimes he wished he could fly away from all of this. He was a little envious of Castiel’s wings and how he could just go place to place, but in the end he was pretty satisfied with being human. He knew his way around being human. 

After an internal debate about whether to hit some bars or go in and face Sam and Kevin, he decided he was too tired to hit the bars. Damn, he was getting old. Not old enough for his account to be dangerously close to being deleted, but old enough to actually have a few trophies. What? 

Dean walked towards the bunker. He was strangely short, and it felt like he was not bipedal anymore. Strangely enough, though, he felt like he had wings. He wanted to relax. He wanted to eat. Nothing felt normal anymore except that. 

He slammed his hoof against the door. Sam opened it and immediately drew his gun. 

“What are you??” Sam yelled, his face screwed up in confusion like a child screwing up the universe by being born multiple times into three dimensions. 

“Come on Sammy, what is this?” Dean said in a tired voice. He was getting really really hungry. 

“I’m hungry” Dean complained, stomping his hoof and snorting a little, his wings tucking back a little “I’m hungry and I want to play a game.”

You could get double neopoints today on Faerie Bubbles. He looked at Sam expectantly. 

Sam lowered his gun slowly and ran his hands through his hair. He began to grin. “Now you know how it feels.”

“How what feels? to be hungry? Dude, I am always hungry” Dean huffed, walking past Sam. Sam was ridiculously tall, and it was making him feel insecure. 

“Nice horn” Sam chuckled. 

“Horn? I don’t have a horn Sam” Dean scoffed, fluttering his wings and heading towards the kitchen. The fridge was so empty. He hated all the food here. Why was most of this stuff burnt to a crisp? Some of it was rotten too. 

“I want half a cheese omelette” he decided out loud “can’t you get those for free in Tyrannia?”

“Dean. Dean look in a mirror” Sam chuckled. He wanted to go get Kevin for this. 

“I know I’m good looking, but that would be a waste of time” Dean joked. He tried to sit on a chair, but these four legs were making it hard. 

Wait a minute - four legs? Hooves? 

“God damn it- WHAT? I cannot be a neopet!” Dean said aloud, ruffling his short brown mane with his hoof “don’t we have any plushies around here? Ughhh nevermind the plushies! I need to get to the battledome so I can get my moves going!”

“Castiel, can you fix this?” Sam prayed aloud. 

“Don’t bring Cas here!” Dean demanded. 

Castiel came. 

“Ah, once more the Winchesters are afflicted by strange cartoon animals” Castiel said flatly. 

Dean hid behind his new wings. Even though this was ridiculous and embarrassing, the wings were kind of cool. He tried to sneak away until he saw that Sam was recording this all on his phone. 

“SAM!” he screamed, rearing up and charging towards Sam. 

Castiel snapped his fingers and Dean charged head first into Sam’s legs in his full human form. Sam toppled over with an ‘oof’ and Dean rubbed his head in pain. 

“That was amusing” Castiel said, quickly disappearing.


	4. Dabbing at the Wall of Triumph Jensen Ackles

Dean did not speak of his time as a neopet. Sam didn’t talk about how his smart phone got cracked, but he did secretly watch the video once in a while. 

After a few hours, Dean finally spoke. 

“Our life is getting too weird, man. Even for me. Even for you” Dean said with a sigh. 

“Well, um….” Sam hesitated, putting the newspaper away “umm maybe you don’t want to hear about this case then.”

“Nah, lay it on me” Dean sighed even more deeply. 

“Can’t find the words” Sam said, handing Dean the paper. 

There on the front page was a picture of Dean, but he looked different. It was subtle. There was something about his smile, it almost seemed fake. There was something in his eyes too, there was this little light that you couldn’t really see in Dean’s. His clothes were too expensive too, they weren’t the cheap stuff the boys put on. 

“Who is this??” Dean said, his eyebrows knitting. 

Sam pointed to the title of the paper. “Apparently….it’s fake you. Remember?”

“Jensen Ackles? I thought we were done with this weird crap after Raphael and all that. We averted the apocalypse. That world no longer exists” Dean said mostly to convince himself, like a butler tries to convince a drawing room that it is his bride. 

Sam shrugged. “It’s probably not worth checking out--”

“It is worth checking out. This jerk is using my face. We need to figure this out.”

“Yeah, it says that he’s been spotted around Los Angeles. You want to drive there?” Sam asked cautiously. 

Dean looked determined. He walked towards the impala wordlessly, brooding. Sam got in wordlessly too and they were off to LA. 

The police radio began to pick up some kind of activity. “I’ve got a white male, mid thirties, Jackson and 1st, do you copy?”

“Yeah”

“Illegal vandal activity, sounds like a quick case”

“I’m on it”

“I wonder if this is connected” Dean muttered. 

“When did petty vandalism come onto our radar?” Sam wondered, looking at the article and seeing if there were any clues. 

“Instinct, Sam” Dean said, dodging the question a little. 

They nearly hit a wall. It was a HUGE wall right in the middle of Jackson and 1st. People were crowded around it, pointing upwards at the neon sign that said ‘Wall of Triumph.’

Sam got out of the car to try to clear some room for Dean to park. 

“Excuse me ma’am” Sam said “what is this?”

“The Wall of Triumph” the girl said, giving Sam a look like he was stupid. Sam had to swallow down a comment and huffed. 

“Why the big crowd?” he asked. 

“The Wall of Triumph was put here so fandoms could finally block production members from making any more episodes of their favorite shows unless they actually took in the fan’s feedback and incorporated it into the show. We finally triumphed. It is done” the girl said happily and a guy high fived her. 

Dean got out of the car and looked at Sam like a lunch lady looks at a possessed infant. “Any news?”

“Apparently, um” Sam began, waving at the wall in explanation “fans did this to block shows until they were heard.”

“That’s nuts” Dean said, shaking his head.

That’s when he saw him. He was the spitting image of himself. Heck, he even sounded like him. The man was walking towards the wall in completely different clothes. He carried himself differently, less confidently but yet somehow he seemed more secure. People were going crazy around him, shouting “Jensen! Jensen!!!”

Jensen waved at people and smiled charmingly, but not in the same flirty boyish way that Dean did. He walked over to the wall and began to dab it with cloth. 

“Why---what?” Sam asked Dean “should we approach him? Touch him with silver?”

“If that’s a shapeshifter, he’s doing a piss poor job” Dean grumbled “what am I even doing?”

“Jensen Ackles has dabbed the wall of Triumph!” someone shouted happily. Jensen waved at everyone and was about to get back in his car when Dean stormed over and shoved Jensen up against a wall. 

Jensen looked shocked to say the least. 

“Who are you???” Dean demanded. 

“Woah woah hey I don’t want any trouble” Jensen said “I uh….if this is some weird stunt the fans are throwing then you got me. Good Dean cosplay though…”

“Oh god, so you’re one of those crazy Supernatural junkies, huh?” Dean demanded. 

“Uhhhh” Jensen said, raising his eyebrows as bodyguards began to take Dean away “in a matter of speaking. I play Dean, as I am sure you know.”

“Nobody plays me!” Dean growled as he tried to get loose. 

Sam showed up and said “Dean, cut it out!”

Jensen looked relieved. “Thanks Jared” he said with a grin. 

Sam played along and nodded, taking Dean away. The wall began to crumble like an Empire that had a speck of sand blow the wrong way and blow it up. 

Sam and Dean coughed amidst the settling dust and rubble. Jensen was gone as if he was never there. A little furby version of Sam began to walk by, creeping them out. They left in a hurry.


	5. "Put that away you butthole"

Dean got into the impala with Sam and they searched the whole town for Jensen. No signs. It must have been an elaborate prank for no reason. 

Sam felt unnerved by the whole thing. He stayed silent in the car and wondered if ‘Jared’ was anywhere nearby. That could not be good news. 

All of a sudden they were driving towards a disgusting sight. A giant butthole had appeared in the middle of the city and the car was going straight for it. Dean was yelling in disgust and Sam gripped the seat tight. 

“Dean! Pull away! Pull away!”

“I’m trying!” Dean panicked “What is that???”

“I know what it looks like!” Sam gasped, trying to help Dean steer away. 

It was no use. They drove straight into the butthole. They cringed as the impala somehow plunged into another world. The world was dark with little lights shaped like smiley faces. 

“What the actual hell” Dean began, holding his nose just incase “did we just drive up someone’s a**???”

Before Sam could answer, a deep voice echoed throughout the place they were in. “Where did you get these people, butthole?”

The butthole made a rumble in reply. 

“Put that away, you butthole. These people do not belong here” the voice boomed.

Dean and Sam looked horrified. 

With that, they felt themselves being pushed backwards with muscle like constrictions. The impala came right out of the butthole, and they were pushed back into Los Angeles. 

“Ewww that car got pooped out” a little girl said. 

“Sammy, we need to move, we need to get far far away from here” Dean said. Sam did not argue at all. They drove off way over the speed limit. 

Charlie and the X

On the way out of that horrid mess, Dean got a call on his cell. 

“Hey b*tches” the person on the phone said. 

“Hey Charlie” Dean smiled, giving Sam a glance. Sam smiled back, but he was still traumatized. 

“What’s up?” Dean asked. 

“Oh, well, you know” Charlie sighed “I’m just babysitting my cousins. Apparently family got a hold of my number somehow and now they just use me as a babysitter. I think there might be a case here, though. I was researching some stuff about trickster gods and I think this might be one of those situations.”

“Huh, really?” Dean said, putting Charlie on speakerphone “Sam’s here too. Tell us what’s going on.”

“It’s really weird” Charlie warned them. 

“Trust me” Sam huffed, closing his eyes and smiling in a pained way “we get weird.”

“Okay, well” Charlie sighed “can you guys make it to California? I was just at a con and now I’m at Beverly Hills with these kids and let’s just say their kids show is coming alive.”

“What?” Dean said “sounds like Sam’s kind of thing.”

Charlie chuckled. 

“We’re in California now” Sam said, rolling his eyes “just send me your location.”

“Nah, actually I’m tracking you right now. I’ll meet you at Bellevue Avenue, okay? But promise not to scream” Charlie said cautiously. 

“Yeah Sam has a weird scream” Dean chuckled like a CD player that forgets its purpose and begins to conquer a store. Sam just rolled his eyes again. 

It was only about a half hour before they reached the location where Charlie was standing. Next to her was a giant X with legs. 

Dean stopped the car. “I have had my fill of stupidity for the day” he said. He almost didn’t want to get out of the car. 

“I guess we have to help” Sam sighed “it is Charlie, after all.”

Charlie waved and pointed to the X. “Meet X” she said with a fake smile “X has been my guardian since children’s stories began to come alive.”

“And uhhhh what has X done exactly?” Sam wondered. 

“X is forever going to follow me around and point out words that start with X” Charlie said with a frown “he comes from the kid’s show Alphabet Warriors. I actually got kind of lucky with X here. If I had A or something I’d be so annoyed.”

“So you want us to get rid of X?” Sam asked. 

“Shhhh” Charlie said, glancing nervously at X. 

X bounced and began to dance. 

“Well Charlie, it’s good to see you” Dean said with a smile “but I don’t know how we could fix this.”

“Why don’t you check your dad’s journal?” she asked. 

Dean frowned. 

“Well, I’ve looked at some illegal copies of Carver Edlund’s work and I saw that John’s journal helps a lot. Maybe see if it has anything in it” Charlie shrugged. 

“I know that thing cover to cover” Dean frowned. 

“Not as well as you’d like to think” Sam countered “remember Roger? and Lion King?”

Dean rolled his eyes and said “fine.”

Sure enough, in invisible ink their father had written “alphabet can be stopped by getting so drunk you see double and then inventing a new, workable alphabet. Otherwise, stab the alphabet and say ‘bookvar bookvar sum sum lipo trunk.’”

“Why don’t you say this, Sam?” Dean said, handing the page to Sam. 

“Finnnnneeee” Sam sighed, He read the spell aloud as reluctantly as a corpse reads a hymn in the middle of a slip and slide. 

The X began to shriek and run around. It collapsed and left an X mark in the middle of the road. 

“Thanks guys!” Charlie grinned, giving them both a hug. 

“I am so confused” Dean said, pinching the bridge of his nose “but….at least it’s good to see you.”

“Do you guys want to come to the comic con happening this weekend?? I think you’ll love it. Especially you, Dean” Charlie beamed “and with X gone, I can now go wherever I please!”

“No” Dean said disappointedly “I uh….I have things to do.”

“It’s okay, we’ll come” Sam grinned. Dean was very pleased with how this day ended. 

Sam grew a hunchback with a baby version of himself in it and nobody cared, but they had a great time at comic con.


End file.
